Fuck the Christmas Carolers.
This is the third year they've completely offended me. On the face of it, I have no problem with people standing outside of my house and seranading me. But their song choice needs help.
Last night while sitting on the couch enjoying my Hanukkah candles, I hear clomp, clomp, clomping up the steps followed by the doorbell. The singing starts and I quickly realize that they are singing, "The First Noel." I'm overcome with a sudden urge to grab my menorrah, run to the window and display it to make them buzz off. Because not everyone in the world is a Christian, you know.
But, I don't. "It's not that big of deal", I tell myself. "Let them do their thing."
But then comes the line, "Born is the King of Israel" and I'm fucking furious.
It takes a lot of nerve to come stand on my front lawn and sing to me about how your God is the king of Israel. I'm a Jew. Don't talk to me about Israel. Why can't they sing about fucking Frosty? Sing about baby Jesus. I don' t care. Just back off Israel.
Anyway, I'm sit and fume and B walks in and I tell him that I'm going to shove the Menorah up in the window and he says, "Go ahead".
?!?!?!?!
My husband never, NEVER condones any kind of agressive behavior like that. And I'm full of it, to tell you the truth and have to repress it a lot so as to stay in his good graces. So, I make a grab for the Menorah, run for the door and am pissed off because they're already at the neighbors house.
So, I missed my chance at husband-sanctioned caroler abuse. Oh well. There's always next year.
Happy Hanukkah.
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