Please Have Snow and Mistletoe

Fuck the Christmas Carolers.

This is the third year they've completely offended me. On the face of it, I have no problem with people standing outside of my house and seranading me. But their song choice needs help. 

Last night while sitting on the couch enjoying my Hanukkah candles, I hear clomp, clomp, clomping up the steps followed by the doorbell. The singing starts and I quickly realize that they are singing, "The First Noel." I'm overcome with a sudden urge to grab my menorrah, run to the window and display it to make them buzz off. Because not everyone in the world is a Christian, you know.

But, I don't. "It's not that big of deal", I tell myself. "Let them do their thing."

But then comes the line,  "Born is the King of Israel"  and I'm fucking furious.

It takes a lot of nerve to come stand on my front lawn and sing to me about how your God is the king of Israel. I'm a Jew. Don't talk to me about Israel. Why can't they sing about fucking Frosty? Sing about baby Jesus. I don' t care. Just back off Israel.

Anyway, I'm sit and fume and B walks in and I tell him that I'm going to shove the Menorah up in the window and he says, "Go ahead".

?!?!?!?!

My husband never, NEVER condones any kind of agressive behavior like that. And I'm full of it, to tell you the truth and have to repress it a lot so as to stay in his good graces. So, I make a grab for the Menorah, run for the door and am pissed off because they're already at the neighbors house.

So, I missed my chance at husband-sanctioned caroler abuse. Oh well. There's always next year.

Happy Hanukkah.

Comments

[Jackie]

oohh, a little mad there? I think you should go to Walgreens and buy those sticky sticker cling on things for your window, shaped like a Menorah. Or what is the item called that you put in your door way with a scroll (? Sorry I forgot the name of it)? Get a BIG one for the Holiday season, so the people can see it before they even start up the stairs, (that way they bother you less, hopefully).

We haven't been sung to once this year, and this is your second or third time? Wow

Oh Yes, by the way, did you give them any donation? Ha Ha I hope this was your last time of this kind of entertainment, otherwise we are sure looking forward to the next blog! Have a good night.

[Margarita Mama]

Wow! I was very seriously going to write a post about why I love living down the street from THE Billy Graham Center despite the fact that we are devil-worshipping pagans. And having Christmas carolers come to our door on our new block these past two years was going to be #1 on our list. Yes, at Christmastime we emphasize all things secular and pagan in this household, but oh my god, I know every word to every Christmas carol and I swear some of the more religious ones are my favorites because the music is just so lovely. O Holy Night being one of them. I still try and learn them on the piano. Being Jewish is different than being whatever we are. (I do not want to have another debate about whether or not a good atheist would have a Christmas tree in their house, and fuck it all, ours is topped with an ANGEL!!)
Anyway, although it doesn't bother me, I do make it a big point to make our children's holiday parties at school more about a "snowman" theme than a Christmas one. Some parents are really offended by this. I'd love to hear you throw down with some of those bitches. I know one woman who takes her daughter out of school that day because she's so offended. Up yours Bitch. Is it really that difficult to put yourself in the place of the one kind in the class who doesn't celebrate Christmas and wonder how he or she feels? Can't you just make Angel crafts and sing Jesus songs at Sunday school? THAT pisses me off. You can choose not to open your door to the fucking carolers. But many parents have to send their children to public school. Let's all be "good Christians" and make the fucking pagans and Jews and Muslims feel welcome.

[Jackie]

I'm cracking up with laughter, don't even know what to say. At our school, its all snowman, don't want to offend anyone! And we have both in this area, (and more I'm sure, I just try to stay out of it). Off to bed, I'm tired!